13 Ridiculous Things You Should Never Hear…In Church

The Church (a group of people and a place of worship) is God’s idea. Jesus said He’s the Head of it, He’s the One building it, and the gates of Hell will not prevail against it. His mission for the Church is to go public by preaching the Gospel (which is good news, not bad news) and making disciples. This means our churches should be filled with churched and unchurched. We strive to make outsiders insiders so they can go get outsides to make them insiders. After all, Jesus came for outsiders, right? He said, “I came for those who know they are sinners, not for those who think they are righteous.”

This should challenge us to do whatever it takes (minus compromising the Word of God) to create an atmosphere to make unchurched comfortable enough to hear the Good News and then give them an opportunity to respond to it (i.e. help them with their next steps).

Who really wants to be part of an irrelevant, stagnant, boring, Christian bubble that has no clue the reason the Church exists is to reach people that aren’t part of it yet?!

I love my church because my church is His Church and His Church is one of mercy, grace, and unconditional love.


13 Ridiculous Things You Should Never Hear…In Church

1. Excuse me, you’re in my seat.

If it doesn’t have your name on it, it’s not your seat. If it does have your name on it then your church has bigger problems than you’re aware of.

2. Why are you dressed like that?

I knew someone who was asked not to return to a church unless he cut his hair and shaved. I guess Jesus wouldn’t have been invited back either.

3. I know this is boring but it’s for God.

We have the greatest news in history. Our services should reflect that.

4. Just because Jesus loves you doesn’t mean He’s not mad at you.

The only people Jesus ever got mad at in the Bible were phony religious leaders.

5. There are multiple ways to get to heaven.

Jesus said He’s the only way, period. I believe Him.

6. You have to change before God will accept you.

If this was true none of us would be “saved.” It’s impossible to change without God.

7. Tattoos are of the devil.

There is not one verse in Scripture to support this statement. And no, Leviticus 19:28 is not referring to modern day tattoos. Here’s something to think about: Jesus will have Kings of Kings & Lord of Lords written on His thigh when He returns. I’m not implying He’s coming back rocking a tat but it’s interesting, huh?

8. Is that smell coming from you?

Jesus came for messy people. He hung out with them, too.

9. Our worship band is terrible but they have good hearts.

We should strive for excellence. Balance is good, too.

10. We let them lead because they tithe the most.

Manipulation and control are bad. Very, very bad. By the way, if you send me a check for $1,000 I will remove this post and give you your very own page on my blog. Kidding.

11. We don’t include kids in our overall attendance.

Jesus made it clear that we must have the faith of a child to enter the kingdom of heaven but I guess He forgot to mention children are not worthy of being included as “part of the church.”

12. Our pastor is a jerk but he’s a great preacher.

Apostle Paul considers this “Clanging-Cymbal-Syndrome” and that’s not a good thing.

13. Have you been washed in the blood of the Lamb?

Think how you would feel if you were unfamiliar with this phrase and on your first visit someone asked you the same thing. Exactly.


  • What’s your favorite ridiculousness?
  • What’s the worst thing that’s been said to you in church?
  • List something you would add?

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